You see, I developed an instant fascination with huffing (glue, paint, gasoline, what have you…) after I saw an episode of the television show Intervention on A&E. The episode featured a young woman addicted to inhaling cans of computer monitor cleaner--she was a wreck.
It was truly one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever witnessed, and the idea just sort of stuck in my craw. For a minute there, I thought it’d make a nice birthday card. I figured I write something on the inside like this:
Upon further reflection, and I hate to be so business-business--so bottom-line, I just don’t feel there’s adequate demand for huffing-related greeting cards. It’s a very niche market.
And, I don’t know, it seems a bit cold--even for Mean Cards. Despite appearances, I’m actually quite sensitive to the feelings of others. Perhaps the horror of addiction is best left without my ridicule.
Finally, there’s the whole “damnation” thing. If there is a Hell, it could potentially put me one step closer to it. Who wants to spend eternity with the likes of murderers, people who made fun of Scott from American Idol, and pedophiles?
So…Happy Birthday to me.